He Doesn't Open His Eyes
by Echo1317
Summary: A compilation of Alec/Isabelle one-shots. Chapter 8: It's his fault, it's all his fault, but Alec doesn't know how to repent for something he isn't sorry for.
1. He Doesn't Open His Eyes

I have a new pairing to write for! After reading a bunch of really good stories for Alec/Isabelle, I decided to try my hand at writing one.

* * *

He hears the door, but he doesn't open his eyes. He recognizes her quiet, easy footsteps. Her shallow breathings is familiar, as is the sweet scent of vanilla perfume that comes in with her. He knows what she wants, and he knows why he shouldn't give it to her. He also knows he's got no choice but to.

He feels her lay down next to him, but he doesn't open his eyes. She softly traces the faded Marks on his bare back, and he shivers. He can just smell the faint traces of alcohol on her, and the smoke from the bar that has been absorbed into her cloths. She can tell he's awake as she runs her fingers over his body. He still won't face her, and she knows it's because he hates what he knows he's about to do.

He feels her gently kiss his neck, but he doesn't open his eyes. He whimpers, and she smiles, because she knows she's won in this battle of wills. Alec slowly rolls over and kisses Isabelle back. He still won't open his eyes, but he won't stop himself either. He tries to pretend she's someone else, but only she can caress him in the way she does. He does everything he can to picture someone else in her place, but he can't, and after a few moments, he doesn't even bother trying to.

He quietly opens his blue eyes, and meets hers. They share a look of remorse and addiction. She is his sister, and he would do anything for her. And if this is what she needs, she sure as hell is going to get it.

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Good? Bad? Horrible? Please review and tell me what you think!

-Echo1317

PS. I am allowed to use the computer on vacation! Whoo hoo! I think I might survive!


	2. Nobody's Home

This is just a small thing I wrote from Isabelle's POV. I think it's ok, not very long or happy, but ok.

* * *

I am in love with my best friend. My best friend happens to be my brother. And my brother happens to be gay.

I am a total mess. I didn't even know why I felt like this. He was my brother, for the love of the Angel! My _brother_.

That's why I'm here tonight. This is one of the more... _sleazy_ bars in the area, but that's what I'm looking for at the moment. A place where no one will know me, and I can find a guy who is looking for what I'm looking for. A distraction. A one night stand. It's not like I've never done anything like this before. I've had to do the walk of shame back to the Institute more times than I wanted to remember. One more time couldn't hurt anything. The only part that would make me want to die is the look I knew Alec would give me when I got home. It would be like disappointment, mixed with pity and understanding. He knew to leave me alone, because he's watched me make the same mistake so many times before. I hated that.

"What can I get for you?" The bartender asked me groggily. He was the same guy who was always here when I came in. "The usual?"

"Yes, thank you," I said, flashing him a pretty if not fake smile. A moment later, he came back with my Long Island Iced Tea, which I had found got me drunk a lot faster than almost anything else I had ever tried. Maybe it was just the way this guy made it.

The music blared and the strobe lights illuminated the faces of everyone on the dance floor. I couldn't see myself with any of the men who were looking at me, but maybe after another glass of tea. One of them smiled at me, revealing a row of crooked, yellow stained teeth. Maybe after a couple shots...

"Can I ask you something, miss?" The bartender said hesitantly. I nodded. "Why are you here?"

I blinked rapidly. What did he mean? It was pretty obvious why I was here. I wanted to get drunk. I laughed.

"Don't you have someone at home who's worried about you? I've heard you talk about your brother before. What about him?" He asked. I felt my heart constrict. I frowned at him.

"He won't care. I don't even know where he is. Probably at his boyfriend's house- " I stopped short, realizing my mistake. When I glanced at the bartender, he was looking at me with sad eyes. He reached out and took the glass from my hand.

"I'm not serving minors anymore," He told me, "You should go talk to your brother. Go back to wherever it is you came from."

I snorted, but he didn't seem to notice. I looked him in the eye, daring him to say one more thing. To give me one more piece of crappy advice. Daring him to tell me that he knew what I was feeling. He didn't. He had no idea what I went through every damn day. He had no idea how many times I'd fallen on the floor crying because of Alec, or how many times I had thought maybe this wasn't worth what I was going though because I didn't even have anyone to help me up. When it became clear that he was not going to give in, I turned to leave, whispering to no one.

"Nobody's home."

* * *

Sad and kind of OOC, I think, but I was listening to Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne and I thought of Izzy for some random reason.

-Echo1317

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	3. What's Wrong?

**What's Wrong

* * *

**"Isabelle? Izzy? Are you ok?"

I heard him before I saw him. The door to my room creaked as he opened it, and I sqeezed my eyes shut as he crossed the carpet and sat down on the edge of my bed. Alec softly stroked my hair, as any brother would do when his sister was upset, in a loving, calming way. So why did his touch send shivers through me? Why did I love him like I did?

I ignored his question. He gently lay down next to me and put his arm around me, like he had done when we were little and I had had a nightmare. What had changed since then? What between us had happened to provoke these feelings I had for him? It was more than just 'oh, he's my brother, I love him', it was more intense. I loved him in a way that I shouldn't, because it was wrong. It was wrong, and sick, and I hated myself for it. But I still loved him.

"What's wrong, Izzy?"

A hundred answers flooded my mind-

_I'm trying to hide from the truth. _

_I'm lying to myself._

_I didn't realized how deep it went. _

_Knowing you don't want me._

_Loving you anyway._

_I feel empty except for you._

_I have to put on a mask when I want to smile._

_When I laugh, it sounds broken._

_I have to lie to everyone around me._

_I don't know what's coming next._

_I still love you._

_I feel nothing and everything at the same time. _

_I love you._

_I can't forget._

_I can't find a distraction._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

-But I couldn't tell him any of them. So I tried again to cover it up.

"Nothing."

* * *

Why am I torturing Isabelle so much today? I don't know, but I was going through one of my notebooks again, and I found a note that I had written to one of my friends when she had asked me what was wrong cuz I was acting all emo, and the italicized words are what I wrote back to her (except the 'you's were 'him's). I am a depressing person to be around.

-Echo1317


	4. Nothing's Right

I wonder what people would think if I told them what was really going on in my head.

Would they look at me with fear, or with pity? Would they stay and be ok with it, or would they run away? Would I really care either way? Do I really need people all that much? Do I care?

I'd like to think that I don't. I would like very much to think that. Most of the time I do. I do think like that. I lie to myself all of the time. It gets harder and harder to pretend like nothing's wrong. Nothing's right.

* * *

Just a random little thought that popped into my head. I have no idea who it's about, it was just a blurb that I felt like putting up since I havn't written a new chapter in a while. : )

-Echo1317


	5. Judgement

**A/N**

Whoo! A new chapter! The pairing, of course, is Alec/Isabelle, because Lightcest is delicious, and when I said that to my friend who has not read TMI, she said "What the hell have you been eating?" XD. So anyway...

'She' is Isabelle, 'He' is Alec.

* * *

She watches the world as she holds her head high, smirking with just the right amount of hurt, regret, and indifference.

She doesn't care, so she doesn't pretend to, because it's much easier to just keep herself a step away from everyone else than allow her heart to get involved. He was the only one she ever opened up to, the only one who would let her in, and now he acts like he doesn't care. She loved him, she knows that now, but the thing is, love makes everything much more intimate than it has to be. Nothing has ever hurt her more than he did, and now she knows the consequences, so why complicate things?

She feels the heavy door's impact as it slams against her outstretched hand, sending a rippling shudder through her whole frame. Something in her hand snaps, but she doesn't react just yet.

Pain runs up and down her arm like a shockwave, smearing the image in front of her. She blinks and the scene comes back into focus, but something about it is altered. Her palm is no longer pressed against the grainy wood, but suspended in open air. He is standing in front of her, his blue eyes wide and shining with concern and fear.

"Don't," She whispers, closing her eyes and attempting to ignore the dull ache in her hand. "Just don't."

"Don't what?" He asks, gently taking her hand in both of his. Even the slightest pressure applied to it hurts. She winces but he doesn't relent, turning her hand over to study it. A cross expression mars his young face, the frown making creases along his forehead and around his mouth that shouldn't have been there. "It's swelling."

"I probably broke it," She mutters, ashamed. His frown deepens, but instead of scolding, he lets go and pushes past her into the room. She pulls her arm towards herself, cradling it against her chest. The adrenalin rush is wearing off , and the break hurts even more. She turns around and he is in her bathroom, rummaging though her cabinet for bandages.

"Sit down," He instructs coolly, although she of all people is able o hear that his voice is shaking, if only just slightly. It's almost imperceptible, but it's there. She recognizes it- and wonders why it's there.

"Everything alright?" She asks, raising her eyebrow. She does as he's told her , sitting down on the bed and crossing her ankles like a proper young lady should.

"I ought to be asking you," He says quietly, pulling up the stool from her vanity table so that he is sitting in front of her. No one else is around but she notices that he goes to great lengths not to brush his legs against hers. No part of him touches her except that hand that carefully clasps hers. From his pocket he produces a stele, and she holds painfully still as he Marks her.

The stele bites into her skin and leaves behind smooth black lines, an _iratz_. His specialty.

"Just peachy," She hisses through her teeth, feeling her bones fusing back together beneath her skin. She wonders vaguely why, after all this time, she sill isn't used to the sensation of bones mending so quickly. At the moment, though, it's the least of her worries.

He keeps staring down at her hand, the bandages that he should have known he wouldn't need abandoned on the floor next to them. He tentatively glances up at her though his long, dark lashes, making her heart flutter in a way that it shouldn't. She knows it shouldn't. Without thinking about it, she reaches out and gently touches his cheek. He flinches back, out of her range, as if he has been stung.

"Why did you do that?" He asks suddenly, standing up and walking to the far side of the room. She folds her legs up underneath her, following him with her eyes as he picks up one of the crystal figurines from on top of her dresser. She recognizes the ornament as _Rashnu, _the Angel of judgment, and thinks how appropriate it is that he picked up that particular one.

"Why did I smash my hand, or why did I touch you?" She replies, seeing him quietly sigh with frustration. She smirks, knowing that this moment is headed right where she wants it to end up. "I don't know why about the hand. But I touched you because I _know _you wanted me to. You can deny it however you want, but I know-"

The angel figurine leaves his hand, shattering as it hits the wall where he intended it to.

"Stop it," He breathes, his eyes closed and his hands in fists as his side, "I don't want to talk about this right now."

Without making a sound, she gets up and walks to where he is standing, and locks her arms around his neck. He doesn't move, he doesn't take the time to look at her, because now he knows where this is going, too. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't say so, because now she's kissing his neck, and it's getting harder for him to breathe, and his thoughts are getting hazy, and she knows exactly what she's doing to him.

His lips crash against hers, and he can feel her smiling as he twines his arms tightly around her waist, pressing her as close to him as he can, but it's still not close enough. She smiles sweetly as he lifts one hand and digs his fingers into her hair, his nails raking against her scalp. It hurts, but the pain feels good, stimulating, making the taste of his tongue sharper and clearer than it ever has before. She can feel his breath in her mouth, his heart beating in time with hers, just like it always has, just like she always wants it to-

Without warning, he pulls away, and she is left holding the empty air. His face is flushed and angry, but she is still satisfied, smirking as they both try to catch their breath. He glares at her once, a half-hearted effort to discourage her actions, and then he is gone, the door that she smashed her hand against only a few moments ago slamming closed behind him.

Isabelle collapses back onto her bed, happy enough in knowing that her brother is still interested, even if this is the only way to get him to admit it.

* * *

Ah, that feels good. :)

Just a quick little announcement: since I am getting out of school in two weeks, I am going to have a special surprise for everyone who has read mt fanfics from last summer, 'All Or Nothing' and 'Now Or Never'.  
Also, in the next few days, I will be moving the playlists (for MI, Maximum Ride, and Fruits Basket, as well as ones for my fanfictions) I have posted on my author page to my Livejournal, so if you would like to see them, you will be able to find them there- I'm under the same name, Echo1317. :)

Thanks for reading and putting up with my completely inconsistant updates! Please review :)

-Echo1317


	6. Nothing Happened

**AxI**

There is a moment in the club that night that they both regret even though there is nothing to regret because nothing happened.

_Nothing happened_, he reminds himself when he is laying in bed with the sheets pulled up to his chin to block out the cold that is and is not touching every part of him from his head to his tows to his heart that he can't keep out no matter how many blankets he can find.

_Nothing happened, _she tells herself stubbornly as she wakes up from another one of those goddamned nightmares that she shouldn't be having anymore because nightmares are for children and from the way those boys and girls and everyone in every room stare at her she is most definitely not a child anymore.

_Nothing happened_, he thinks as there is a knock on his bedroom door that both is and is not the person he wants to see most in the world right now because maybe they'll come in and reassure him that he's right and that what happened is perfectly acceptable because no one noticed it and it wasn't anything anyway.

_Nothing happened,_ she tells him out loud as she pulls the covers up and slips in bed beside him just like she did when she was the child that she is not anymore and uh-oh that is definitely a sign that he's noticed she's not a child and it should be awkward and embarrassing and she should go so why isn't it and why isn't she?

_Nothing happened_, he whispers as she gets closer and closer and then her lips are on his softly very softly now and then there is touch and OH ANGEL that feels good so don't stop even though this is twenty-seven different kinds of wrong and they've gone too far to go back now so they'll just have to see how it goes.

_Nothing happened_, she says against the bare sweaty skin of his chest three times later when his arms are still around her and everyone would hate them if they knew but the worst part is that she ought to feel guilty she ought to be disgusted with herself and with him but absolutely nothing about this feels wrong.

_Nothing happened_, he groans when he wakes in the morning and she isn't there but the room smells like sex and his clothes are still in a pile on the floor where she threw them at midnight and he is appalled that she'd try something like that but he's even more sick with himself because he didn't even try to stop her.

_Nothing happened_, she agrees when she sees him in the kitchen that morning getting coffee and even as she says it and he breathes a shaky sigh of relief she finds herself imagining what he looks like under those clothes and thinks about what she would do with him if he'd let her rip them off of him right now.

_Nothing happened,_ he tells his best friend in the whole world who he doesn't remember ever lying to about anything important when he asks why they left so early and so abruptly last night when they were having such a good time and he wonders what he would do if he told him because hasn't he been there before?

_Nothing happened_, she insists when his boyfriend is persisting with questions and it is absolutely insane how guilty she doesn't feel walking here with him like everything is normal and when he guesses that she got lucky last night she almost laughs out loud because she is so not going to tell him who with.

_Nothing happened, _they swear for so long that eventually it doesn't matter anymore because it happens again that night and the next and every night after that for so long that neither of them can really remember what exactly it was that night at the club that didn't happen.

There is a moment a few years down the road when they both regret everything even though there is nothing to regret because nothing more than this will ever happen.

* * *

**A/N **Procrastination at its finest :)

I found the first half of this and decided to finish it up. The AlecXIsabelle pairing is my guilty pleasure (even though I don't feel guilty about it at all, Lightcest ftw ;) ).

-Rachel


	7. Kyrie Eleison

**A/N** A little thing I wrote in history class as we studied religion, just a few days after I discovered my love for the Disney movie version of 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'.

This has been the first thing I've written in weeks. Writer's block is my greatest nemisis, dammit.

The latin text between sections is the Confiteor, a part of the Mass of the Roman Catholic Church. I heard it being chanted during 'Hellfire' and recognized 'mea culpa' as something Jace had quoted in City of Bones, so I looked up the full translation, and this was born.

Warning: Lightcest! If this bothers you, don't bother reading :)

* * *

**Kyrie Eleison**

_confiteor deo omnipotenti _

Alec isn't sure what he's doing.

Well, he knows that he's literally doing. Literally, he is standing outside a church. Not the one that he lives in, though; a real, fully functioning church, complete with Sunday services and stained glass windows and Jesus nailed to a cross behind the alter with eyes that follow and judge you.

Alec knows because he used to come here for mass.

_beatae mariae semper virgini _

Alec goes inside and passes through the reception into the chapel. He nods at the priest, and he nods at Jesus on his cross, and he stands uncomfortably in the corner near the doors. Still time to run if he decides he can't handle it, still a chance for him to go all the way inside.

Church- real church- has a way of making Alec feel guilty. So many things he's done wrong, so many sins to confess, but he never takes the time. He may not be the most faithful servant, but he believes in God and Heaven and Hell and being guilty for not attending regular services.

Alec, like most people, doesn't enjoy guilt.

_beato michaeli archangelo _

Alec doesn't know quite how this is supposed to work. He knows the general idea of it, he knows what he's read in textbooks and novels and bibles in the library. He knows that reading about something and doing it are two completely different things. He doesn't know where to begin. He doesn't know what to do, and he hates it.

So he sits down in one of the hard wooden pews.

_sanctis apostolis omnibus sanctis _

He thinks this is a little stupid, to be honest. He may live in a church, but he hasn't been to services since he was eight, when his littlest brother was born and his mother decided it was wasn't worth the trouble to drag three screaming children out of the house at daybreak on a Sunday just to be stared at and judged by old women with white hair and holier-than-thou attitudes. There isn't a lot Alec remembers from back then, almost a dozen years ago when things were simpler and he didn't have to worry about things like secrets or lovers or any combination of the two.

Alec remembers enough to know that his father never came to church with them.

_et tibit pater _

He doesn't remember when his parents marriage started falling apart, but he relates it to about the time he lost faith in romance in general. They never talked about it, they never separated or fought, but it was just one of those things that Alec _knew_, in that intuitive way that he has known many things.

But, of course, the one tiny thing Alec wishes he knew more than anything is the one that just won't come to him.

_quia peccavi nimis _

There are so many things Alec doesn't remember anymore. He doesn't remember, for example, how it started. An innocent smile, maybe. A look across the room. An accidental brushing of their hands that tiny bit of skin on skin contact after so long of not being touched that it was like an oasis in the midst of a desert. Alec never had a chance because she is _she_, and no one ever stands a chance against _her_.

_cogitatione _

Alec used to hear his brother pray, just after he arrived at the Institute. The little broken boy would kneel at the edge of his bed and ask the Lord for his father back, and why He took him away, and if He was there at all. Alec never heard any answer.

It was very rude, Alec realizes now, to listen while his brother prayed. Alec wouldn't want anyone to hear him now.

_verbo et opere _

That first time- with her- wasn't the last time, it wasn't the best time, but it was by far the most memorable.

There were fireworks in his head, heat bursting behind his closed eyelids, and he had never ever been that close to someone, but she, like so many times before, had guided him with wisdom she should not have had. It should have been with someone else, _anyone_ else; like the broken boy touched by an angel or the man with eyes like the church cat or a stranger on the street. But it was her, and it was good great amazing wonderful fan-fucking-tastic _wrong_.

_mea culpa _

It's gone on for far too long now to stop without repercussions. The fact that it's gone on at all means there would be repercussions anyway.

_mea culpa _

With the way things are going, she'll be paying for the same sins that he will, and he would rather take all the blame than see her burn. People already crucify her, the little girl with the mind of a woman who has lived many lives, and he can only imagine what they would do if they knew _this_.

_mea maxima culpa _

It is his fault, it is all his fault, but Alec doesn't know how to repent for something he isn't sorry for.

_kyrie eleison _

There might actually be nothing to forgive after all. Alec loves her, and there is nothing wrong with that. She's never done anything she didn't want to do. She's never said the words, but he thinks it must be true, from the way she has caressed his cheek and said his name and kissed his lips when no one else was around. She is his one, his light, his salvation, his and only his Isabelle, but-

_kyrie eleison _

But.

She is also his sister. And the light she gives off must be the hellfire surrounding them both. They will destroy each other as much as they will be each others salvation, if there is anything at all left in them worth saving. He doesn't think there is.

Alec folds his hands and bows his head.

_kyrie eleison _

_Forgive me, Father. _

Alec knows that this isn't what he's supposed to say here.

_For I have sinned. _

But he is going to say it anyway.

* * *

_I confess to God almighty  
To blessed Mary ever Virgin  
To the blessed archangel Michael  
To the holy apostles, to all the saints  
And to you, Father  
That I have sinned  
In thought  
In word and deed  
Through my fault  
Through my fault  
Through my most grievous fault  
Lord have mercy  
Lord have mercy  
Lord have mercy_

* * *

**A/N cont**

I'd love to know what you guys think. Please and thank you!

xRachel


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